Why You’re a Hypocrite, I’m a Hypocrite, and We Both Have to Change

I was once asked by a website called 43Things to offer my shortest relationship advice. To the best of my recollection, I said something to the effect of:

“Single people should put 30 minutes a day into finding love. Couples should put 5 minutes a day into gratitude for their partners. If you do this, you WILL have love this year.”

Simple. Truthful. Effective.

“Single people should put 30 minutes a day into finding love. Couples should put 5 minutes a day into gratitude for their partners. If you do this, you WILL have love this year.”

And yet this made me incredibly conscious of my own hypocrisy.

Last year, I was taking guitar lessons and practicing twice a week.

No longer.

Last year, I was swimming twice a week for cardio.

No longer.

Last year, I was reading books for pleasure.

No longer.

Why?

Because I bought a house and have been busy furnishing and fixing it up.

Because I run a small business and have a lot of projects on my plate.

Because I have a wife and baby who need time and attention.

This is all true. And it’s all a big, lame excuse for my lack of discipline.

Fact: I don’t start work until 9am. I can still work out in the mornings.

Fact: I don’t coach past 5pm. I have plenty of time for guitar at the end of the day.

Fact: My wife is the coolest person on earth who will always give me “me time”.

As a result, I have to recognize and own that I haven’t been doing what’s “best” for me, I’m merely been doing what comes “easiest”.

It’s easier to throw myself into fantasy football than it is to start a 600-page novel or drag myself out of bed at 7am to go to the gym.

Yet I’d be happier if I took on the hard task of plugging in my amp or hiring a personal trainer or cracking open a book.

There are no legitimate excuses. Instead of prioritizing productivity and future satisfaction, I’ve taken the easy way out, eating dinner at 8:30pm and watching Modern Family on the couch with my wife.

Until today.

Today, I found a new gym that’s 12 minutes from my house and got a 3-day guest pass to try it out.

Today, I went on Craigslist to look for guitar teachers in the San Fernando Valley.

Today, I bought my next big novel, “Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell”.

So what are YOU going to do today? Are you going to claim to want to find love, but not subscribe to a dating site? Are you going to claim to want to find love, but not go on any dates?

So what are YOU going to do today?

Are you going to claim to want to find love, but not subscribe to a dating site?

Are you going to claim to want to find love, but not go on any dates?

Are you going to claim to want to find love, but not give any guys a chance?

Are you going to claim to want to find love, but not try ANY of the things I’m telling you to try?

If so, you’re a hypocrite, plain and simple.

I don’t blame you. After all, I’m JUST LIKE you.

But I’m changing my ways because I’ve got to. I will NOT be in shape, play guitar or become a better writer by sitting on my ass watching TV.

And YOU will not find love if you keep doing what you’re doing.

Take a look at your life.

How many dates have you gone on in the past 3 months?

How many third dates have you gone on in the past 3 months?

How many committed relationships have you found in the past 3 years?

If you’re not satisfied with your love life, it’s time to do something different.

And all I ask is 30 minutes a day — the same amount of time you spend putting on makeup, commuting to work, watching TV, reading InStyle magazine, whatever.

I’ve staked my entire livelihood on the premise that ANYONE can have success online, thereby avoiding matchmakers, blind date set-ups, and praying for divine intervention.

Just know that change happens when you want it to happen.

Until then, you can tell yourself you’re too busy. But you and I both know better.

You’re probably not in love right now because you don’t want it bad enough.