Does It Matter if a Guy Contacts Me Just Because I’m Asian?

I’m Asian-American and was born and raised in the United States. I think I’m just as American as about anyone else, but I was raised by Korean parents. I’m pretty open minded when it comes to race and background and like your advice about observing his actions and how he treats me. I notice in online dating I tend to be targeted for my ethnicity, and I’m pretty exotic looking but I also defy a lot of Asian stereotypes. For instance, I’m tall and loud and outspoken. I’m also independent, educated and work in a technical field. Sometimes I feel guys are disappointed when they get to know me more and I don’t meet their expectations of what they think of the typical quiet, subservient Asian woman. I’m not sure if I should be offended that people are drawn to people of my race or offended I’m being lumped together or stereotyped into a larger group. And some of these guys will proudly admit they only exclusively date Asians like that should make them more attractive to me. I want to know that the guy is trying to get to know me beyond stereotypes or looks and among any race there is such a wide gamut of personalities. I’ve had friends tell me who cares why a guy is initially attracted to me as long as he is good and sticks around. Sometimes it just feels like guys get stuck on a certain look and they are constantly trying to find that versus getting to know people. Should I just not care if a guy specifically tells me he only dates Asians and that’s his preference?

Sandra

A man commits a crime and is sentenced to thirty days in prison as well as community service.

For his community service, he has to walk along the highway in an orange jump suit and pick up trash.

While he’s there, he sees a small band of conservationists doing the exact same thing.

The criminal is serving his punishment and cleaning up the highway.
The conservationists are choosing to clean up the highway.

The net result to the environment and all the drivers passing by: the highway is now clean. Doesn’t matter to me how it got that way — it just looks better than it did before.

We all rely on creating attraction to help the opposite sex take notice.

Does motivation matter when it comes to dating? Sort of. But if we’re being honest about it, we all rely on creating attraction to help the opposite sex take notice.

Men spend countless hours working to get rich — not just for their own self-worth, but because having money gives them an advantage when it comes to courting women. Do these men feel bad that they’re being “used” for their money? Occasionally. But, for the most part, a rich guy understands that his money is part of the package — and if it allows him to get a woman he wouldn’t otherwise get, he can usually make peace with it.

Now, understand, these aren’t apples to apples comparisons. Your ethnicity isn’t something you worked for, nor is it something you want to be desired for. You were born into it and you have every right to resent men who fetishize you for it.

“I like Asians = I like Asian stereotypes = I like you although I don’t know you = super creep factor.”

So what’s an exotic, atypical Asian woman to do, Sandra?

Should you hold it against any guy who has a thing for Asians?

I guess my first question would be whether you have any “types” of your own?

See how a man shows up in courting you and committing to you, and judge him on what kind of boyfriend he is — rather than automatically penalizing him just because you’re his type.

I like curvy brunettes. My wife likes funny and charismatic guys. Some women really like tall men.

That’s just attraction — a good place to start, but not sufficient for a long-term relationship.

So if I’m advising you, my friend, I’d just tell you to appreciate the attention, see how a man shows up in courting you and committing to you, and judge him on what kind of boyfriend he is — rather than automatically penalizing him just because you’re his type.

It would have been awkward to tell the stranger at the potluck dinner that I was attracted to her because of her hair color and bust size. Now that she’s my wife, I’m pretty sure she’s fine with it.