Are You Sick Of Being Told To Compromise For Men?

If you are, I don’t blame you one bit.

You don’t want to be told that you’re doing anything wrong.

You don’t want to be told that doing the same thing always yields the same results.

You don’t want to be told that you’re responsible for change when you’ve been hurt by so many bad men.

I hear you, loud and clear.

Men are a HUGE problem. I hear about it every single day from my coaching clients.

You’ve been reading my posts for awhile and you’ve been thinking to yourself:

“Yeah, this guy seems to know what he’s talking about, but something bugs me about him. All his advice is so practical. They always talk about compromise and realistic expectations and being patient. Sorry. I don’t want to compromise and have realistic expectations and be patient! I just want to find love naturally.”

I get it: you want to feel good, and my advice doesn’t always make you feel good.

Believe it or not, I even get it when you send me emails that chastise me:

Evan,

You’re clearly smart, but when will you get to the real heart of the matter? There’s nothing to do when men are the problem here. They’re awkward, cheap, sex-obsessed and selfish. They think they deserve younger women when they don’t. They’re afraid of commitment and run when you start to care for them. This is why it’s frustrating to get your advice; it’s always telling me what I should do differently, but it doesn’t address the root cause of the problem: men.

Linda

Amen, Linda. You just spoke for thousands of women who are fed up with dating, online dating and the selfish idiosyncrasies and double standards of men.

Would it surprise you if I told you I agreed with Linda?

And not just a piece of what she wrote — every single word.

Men are a HUGE problem. I hear about it every single day from my coaching clients. I would not pretend for a second that you have it easy in trying to find a suitable lifelong partner. Dating is really tricky and I couldn’t be more sympathetic to your struggles.

Still, you have to admit, saying “Men are the problem” doesn’t begin to solve any problems. All it does is point fingers.

But let’s look at men another way — since that’s my job as a male dating coach who specializes in helping women. And let’s find agreement on all of these points:

You want to date a man, right? So if these awful creatures are the ones you’re attracted to, we have to figure out how to make the best of it. Your alternatives — dating women and giving up on love — are options, but I’m guessing they’re not Plan A.

You’ve met men before who aren’t awkward, cheap, sex-obsessed and selfish, right? You’ve met men who date women their own age. You’ve met men who are devoted companions, men who have been married for many years. If these men exist, it only stands to reason that they could make for an excellent partner. And before you exclaim that they’re all taken, that’s not true either. It makes no sense to think that the only kind, giving, relationship oriented people over the age of 35 are women.

You can’t change men. You can only change yourself.

If a man does prove to be of low character: stupid, selfish, abusive, addicted, inconsistent, and uninterested in a future with you, my advice has always been the same: leave him. We can agree on that, right?

I don’t have the power to change men. I don’t have the mandate to change men. Men don’t read this kind of dating advice, much less from a dating coach who works with “smart, strong, successful women.” As such, any blog post in which I write advice for men to change would be a big waste of space. Right?

You don’t have the power or mandate to change men either. Any man you respect will be quite resentful of the fact that you want to change him, as you’d have the right to resent any man who actively tried to change you. Change comes from within.

If you agree with all 5 bullet points, we’ve thereby concluded:

You want to date a man.
Some men are good potential partners.
Bad partners should be dumped.
I can’t change men.
You can’t change men. You can only change yourself.

And if that’s the case, you may understand why my posts never point the finger at men or focus on how men need to change. It’s not because they’re not partially “at fault” for things; it’s because they’re not reading my advice.

You are. You’re reading this because something’s not working. You’re reading this because you really do want to fall in love. You’re reading this because, deep down, you know that the only thing you can do is persevere and adjust — as opposed to changing the behavior of men.

So the next time I write a post that challenges you, or frustrates you, or asks you to do something different, please consider why I’m saying it.

I’m saying it because if blaming men is a waste of time, and your previous way of dating hasn’t worked, the ONLY way to get a new result is to open up to a NEW way.

Stick with me. Not because it always feels great. But because I have your back and I will always tell you the TRUTH about what’s going on with men.

The truth, as you know, isn’t always pretty.

But it will set you free.