How Can I Make My Boyfriend Less Jealous?

Dear Evan,

My boyfriend is constantly accusing me of sleeping with other guys. I am very devoted and don’t have any interest in any other guy but him. I am completely committed to him. Whenever I start to get angry with him, he starts saying he’ll just make it even and go sleep with some other girl. He needs constant feedback accounting for my time. Cheating just isn’t in my nature! I’m very satisfied with being with only him and I do love him. How can I convince him I’m not cheating?

Serenity

People project things onto others that they hate about themselves.

Dear Serenity,

You don’t convince him you’re not cheating.

You leave him, and find a guy who trusts you.

There is no other solution.

People project things onto others that they hate about themselves. A liar is concerned about you lying to him, a cheater is concerned about you cheating on him, etc. I know someone who is unethical in his business practices, and he’s the one who is always convinced that everyone else is up to a scam. It’s indicative of the way he thinks.

Trusting people, like me? It would never even occur to me that my wife would cheat on me. I guess that technically makes it easier for her to cheat on me — but really, I’m not worried about it. There’s literally NO jealousy in our relationship because we really, truly TRUST each other. So it wouldn’t occur to me to get angry if she spends an hour talking to the cutest guy at the party, and it wouldn’t occur to her to question me if I went out for a night with the guys to a strip club. The only reason for jealousy is if you don’t truly trust your partner. As such, jealousy is a wasted emotion. It doesn’t make anyone act more trustworthy and only deteriorates the fabric of your relationship.

You might be trustworthy, Serenity, but if your boyfriend doesn’t trust you now, he never will.

Let him go gently into the night, pray that he doesn’t stalk you, and get yourself a man who lets you be yourself.