I Still Sleep With My Cheating Ex-Husband

Two years ago, I discovered that my husband had a mistress, and they were working together in the same company. When I asked him to leave, he became physically violent with me in front of my son, and the police had to remove him from my house. It was a very painful time for my son and myself, and I cried for a year after.

I was also always checking to see if my ex-husband was still with his mistress. They were together on and off. He told me that he tried to break it off many times but  she would somehow find a way to sleep with him again.

A few months ago, I gave him a chance to get back together, but I realized I cannot trust him and he needs help, which he refused to get. Knowing his mistress will always be after him, I finalized my divorce and got sole custody of my son.

Since our divorce, my ex-husband and I have been having sex, and it is really great. We were always very much in love with each other, and our sex life was great except for some activities that I think belong to only prostitutes.

Since our divorce, I don’t care that he had a mistress, since the feeling that he still wants me so much gives me comfort and I feel secure with him. Is it because he is the father of my child? I have tried to date another man, but I couldn’t see the same stability with him. I know I don’t have stability with my ex-husband right now either. I want to be free of him, but it is very difficult. I would like to have my small family back together, and I am afraid that other men might take advantage of me or not care for my son. Please tell me if I am doing the right thing by sleeping with my ex-husband and hoping for a better future with him or should I let him go forever and look for a better future with another man? Thank you.

All women with cheating ex’s who still sleep with you on occasion, and still own your heart, say “Aye”!

Misha

Is anybody else sensing a strong recurring theme from these last few months of reader emails?  

You’ve got elements of the jerk who promises to commit but never follows through.

You’ve got elements of the jerk who is so good in bed that he still commands your attention even though he’s a toxic bastard. In fact, I’m not so sure you’re not the exact same writer.

All women with cheating ex’s who still sleep with you on occasion, and still own your heart, say “Aye”!

This advice column is a joy for me in so many ways, and yet I find each email like this so painful. The reason I’m running this one is that I’ve had just about enough of these letters.

If you’re a regular reader, I don’t know how many ways I can say it.

Your situation is not unique.

You’re not doing the right thing.

You’re better off without him.

Change your life. Lose the guy. Stop waiting for the change that never comes.

You’re thinking with your heart, not with your head.

Your refusal to look at the objective facts is staggering.

I’m not angry at you. I’m angry FOR you. I’m angry because no matter how many times I write the same exact column, literally HALF of my emails are some version of this same question.

My boyfriend:

Cheated on me/Has a porn addiction/Left me two years ago

He recently came back and says he:

Changed completely/Never meant to hurt me/Still loves me

I’m now:

Talking with him regularly/Sleeping with him again/Getting those strong feelings back

Yet he still won’t:

Call me regularly/Sleep with me consistently/Make a commitment to me

What should I do, Evan? I’m so confused.

Trust me, you’re the only one who’s confused.

The rest of us sadly shake our heads at how you could possibly think of staying with this tool. This man who beat you and cheated on you, and has the audacity to come back into your life, completely unchanged. This man who tried to break it off with his mistress many times, except for the fact that she always found a way to sleep with him again. This man who believes you have so little respect for yourself that you’ll take him back in any circumstances.

Are you getting angry yet, Misha? Are any other readers getting angry at me yet?

If so, DO SOMETHING about it.

Don’t shoot the messenger who tells you that your dysfunctional relationship needs to be retired ASAP.

Change your life. Lose the guy. Stop waiting for the change that never comes.