Women Worry About What They’re Wearing. Men Worry About What’s Underneath.

Hi Evan,

I’ve been reading your blog for a long time, and most of the questions you answer are so serious and sad. So, I have a more light-hearted question, but one that’s been on my mind for a very long time. I hope you can answer it.

What do guys have against nighttime clothes?

Every single boyfriend I’ve had always wants to sleep in the nude! But, more importantly, they want me to sleep in the nude too! It’s not like they had six packs and bulging biceps. And, it’s not like I’m a candidate for the SI Swimsuit edition…I don’t even own a bathing suit. But still, whether it was winter or summer, spring or fall, they always wanted to be in the buff.

I like my nighttime clothes — no, I’m not talking about a grandma flannel gown that covers me from neck to toe or sloppy sweats. I’m talking about sexy teddies or lacy gowns. You know the stuff in the Victoria Secret Catalogs…the stuff that’s supposed to drive men crazy. Sadly for me, it ends up being the stuff that I only get to wear when I’m sleeping by myself, because whenever I tried to sleep in them with my boyfriend present, I’d get “Yeah, it’s nice. But, why don’t you take it off?”

So Evan, why don’t men want women keep some clothes on when it’s time to go to sleep?

Thanks,

Kenley

Hey Kenley,

I appreciate your fluffy question, and while I’m not sure I have 1000 words worth of material on it, here’s my two cents:

Frankly, the nicest bra you own is the one that finds its way to the floor in the next five minutes.

First of all, I can’t speak for all men, but I don’t think that every man likes sleeping in the nude. I don’t know what your sample size is, but if it’s 4 or 5 guys, it may be just a coincidence that they’re all night nudists. Personally, I like wearing boxer briefs. Dangling around at night is a little uncomfortable for my tastes. My wife would prefer that I wear nothing though. Not exactly sure why.

Next: women care about what they wear approximately 4000 times more than men do.

When you get a new pair of shoes, a fresh pedicure, or a bra/panties set from Victoria’s Secret, the odds that we notice hover somewhere between slim and none. Frankly, the nicest bra you own is the one that finds its way to the floor in the next five minutes.

Third: I think most men would agree that nothing beats skin-on-skin contact. It doesn’t matter if you spent $100 on some tiny, flattering, lacy number; when you get right down to it, it’s just getting in the way of the guy who wants to feel: your bare skin.

Fourth, when you get really practical about it, I’m not sure it really matters what you’re wearing when you go to sleep.

Because an old silky thing feels the same as a new silky thing. Because when the lights are out and you’re in REM sleep, you could be wearing a clown suit and no one would know. Because any item you’re wearing is merely an impediment to skin-on-skin intercourse.

I’m sure there are some guys out there who prefer lingerie to nudity, feel free to speak up in comments below, but, in general, women care about nightwear (and daywear) far more than men.

Because any item you’re wearing is merely an impediment to skin-on-skin intercourse.

So, Kenley, feel free to continue wearing lingerie to bed. If it makes you feel sexy, that’s great. If it keeps you warm, that’s a bonus. But don’t expect a man to prefer scratchy lace to warm, smooth skin.

You may worry about what you’re wearing; we just worry about what’s underneath.