How Can I Take a Break From A Guy But Keep Options Open For The Future?

I’ve been dating a man I met on Tinder. We’ve been steadily seeing each other for about a month and a half and we’ve been fairly casual. He’s in the process of getting a divorce and he’s not looking to jump into anything serious, which I completely understand. However, I’m slightly confused by his treatment of me…he treats me like I’m his girlfriend, but also wants to see other women. He tells me often that he doesn’t care if I see other men, yet he makes snide comments about me hooking up with the guy friends that I go out to dinner with, etc. I know that he is seeing one other woman at least and that he’s looking to meet other women. Though, he makes weird future plans with me like I’m his girlfriend. One other confusing thing that he does – and it’s starting to unnerve me – is that he constantly tells me that I’m too nice. I’m not exactly sure why he keeps pointing this out. Another key thing that he has pointed out is that he doesn’t like disappointing me, but I have never indicated that he has in any way.

I really like this man, but I don’t know if I can emotionally handle his baggage. How do I tell him that? How do I take a vacation from what is going on, but also keep the option open of seeing him again when he’s in a better place?

Dominique

Such a short paragraph. So many red flags. Let’s recap:

• – Tinder.

• – Fairly casual.

• – In the process of getting a divorce.

• – Not looking to jump into anything serious.

• – Wants to see other women.

• – Tells me often that he doesn’t care if I see other men.

• – You know that he’s seeing one other woman at least and is looking to meet more.

– Tells you you’re too nice and he doesn’t want to disappoint you.

Holy, shit, Dominique.

Do you need a beefy guy in an orange jumpsuit to wave big light sticks in front of your face and shout, “Turn around! There’s nothing to see here!”

Or are you seriously going to contemplate seeing this through and exploring where it goes?

I suspect the former, but I’m going to proceed as if it’s the latter.

Do you need a beefy guy in an orange jumpsuit to wave big light sticks in front of your face and shout, “Turn around! There’s nothing to see here!”

You think this guy is sending you mixed messages because he’s nice to you and makes plans with you sometimes. Yet somehow you’re ignoring all the negative bullet points listed above. So allow me to reiterate one of my favorite catchphrases that helps women like you break free of such “mixed message” guys: Believe the Negatives, Ignore the Positives.

Positives: Cute. Funny. Generous. Good in bed. Has a pulse. Nice to me when I see him. Occasionally makes plans in advance as if I was his girlfriend.

Negatives: Everything else.

There’s nothing terribly complicated here. He’s a normal guy going through a heartbreaking divorce who has no idea who he is, what he wants, or when he’s ready for it.

Honestly, Dominique, he’s just as shocked as I am that you’re still with him.

So he’s putting himself out there, he’s falling for you, he knows he’s damaged goods, he doesn’t want to hurt you, he doesn’t want you to pull away, he wants to have his cake and eat it too, and he wants to give you fair warning that this will probably not end well.

Honestly, Dominique, he’s just as shocked as I am that you’re still with him.

Tell him the truth: you’re not looking to date anyone casually. You want a boyfriend. And since he’s not in a place to be that man right now, you’re going to wish him well and cut him off. Then go back online and find yourself a boyfriend and let this guy flounder for a few years as he figures out if he wants to be anybody’s husband ever again.

It’s not your problem to solve.