My Boyfriend Has Turned Into a Cold Fish. What Can I Do Save Our Relationship?

I have a baffling dating problem that none of my friends can figure out either. I’ve been dating a great guy for almost 3 years. He was very (almost excessively) hot and heavy for me for about a year and he wanted me and my kids to move in with him. I told him to wait one year, and if he asked me again I would say yes. Anyway, he acted rejected but I did everything I could to show him I cared and wanted to keep dating. He became a cold fish, he hardly visits anymore, doesn’t include me in his family’s plans as much. Everything pointed towards a break-up, except that he calls multiple times a day to “check in”. His personality is aloof and cultured, he makes everything into an ironic joke, and he will not say he loves me. He has the personality, looks and success to get another girlfriend very easily. Instead of breaking up, he just buries himself in work, and keeps me hanging on. I don’t know where I stand, but he gives enough attention to keep me hoping and guessing. His mother seems to think we’re getting married. I can’t tell if he’s just weird, or if he doesn’t like me. I’m the new wife in that old movie Rebecca, where she is in suspense all the time. I can’t imagine breaking up, because he’s still the best boyfriend I’ve ever had. My hot and heavy boyfriend has turned into a cold fish. Love to hear your advice.

~Bernie

I don’t know how many of these questions I need to get until every woman on the entire Internet never has to ask it again, but here goes:

You have an out-of-town “boyfriend” who hasn’t been nice to you for TWO years.

Your “boyfriend” isn’t a good catch just because he’s cute, successful, and charming.

This, you claim, is the “best boyfriend” you’ve ever had.

You want to know how to get him to be nicer to you and commit to you.

Sorry, but you don’t.

Your “boyfriend” isn’t a good catch just because he’s cute, successful, and charming.

Yes, I’m sure he can find another woman to mistreat quite easily. But that doesn’t justify keeping him in your life, does it?

You seem to have the false impression that you’re going to get the guy from the first year of your relationship back. Uh uh. He was an illusion. You’re currently seeing the “real” version of him.

The second you get rid of him is the second you can find a guy who does the most important things you need in a man: cherish you, treat you like a priority, and commit to you forever.

Selfish, aloof, cold, distant, rude, dispassionate, ambivalent.

And you want to lock that in for the rest of your life?

Bernie, please. Your boyfriend SUCKS. The second you get rid of him is the second you can find a guy who does the most important things you need in a man: cherish you, treat you like a priority, and commit to you forever. This guy is a waste of your time.