My Boyfriend Wants Me to Have Surgeries So I’ll Look Like a Porn Star

I have been reading and following your advice religiously for a year and a half. You have truly been a godsend and I thank you profusely. You have changed my life! My question is this: I have been in a year and a half relationship with a great guy. Sweet, caring, successful man who’s wonderful with my children. The list goes on. Two things have come to the surface. He likes to watch porn and that has been hard for me because my ex-husband was an extreme porn addict!! But I’m trying to understand his needs and not judge based on the past. But now he is asking me to have my breasts enlarged to an excessive size and labiaplasty. I already have size D implants and I had my children by C-section so everything is intact below. I’m 5’9″, 127 pounds and very fit. I work out 5 days a week. I’m 46, blonde and believe it or not I am carded often. I love him just as he is! Very handsome, but he doesn’t need to look like a porn star to make me happy. I feel he is trying to make me look like these women and it’s starting to hurt my self-esteem – which is pretty high in a healthy way. I am a realist. I look really good and am so blessed with the genes I have, but I understand looks can’t last…no matter how much plastic surgery I have. Your thoughts??? My head and heart all mixed up and hurting. Thank you.

Lisa

After my penis reduction (I took 4” off because of the discomfort I caused other partners), I swore I wouldn’t talk about plastic surgery on this blog.

Too personal. Too sensitive. Too icky.

But I couldn’t resist answering your question, because it’s hard to believe it’s even a question.

You describe yourself as very attractive. I’m in no position to argue.

You describe your boyfriend as a great guy. I’m in no position to argue.

This is a completely unacceptable request on his part — a request that should be met by indignation, not confusion.

You describe the type of surgery your boyfriend wants you to have to remain physically appealing to him. I am now in a position to argue.

I do believe that attraction is important.

I don’t believe that porn is the root of all evil.

I do believe that compromise is necessary for any relationship.

At the same time, your boyfriend’s request — asking you to compromise your integrity, looks and health so that he can feel more attracted to you, the way he’s attracted to porn stars — is so objectively wrong and distasteful, I am surprised you saw fit to run it by me first. The only letter I’ve ever received that is comparable is this one about a woman who dated a personal trainer who told her to keep her shirt on during sex.

Find another guy who loves you for who you are — inside and out — and you can later look back on this creepy chapter of your life with a laugh.

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And my answer to you is the same as my answer to her:

This is a completely unacceptable request on his part — a request that should be met by indignation, not confusion.

You may have loved your boyfriend for the past year and a half, but his tastes and proclivities do not make this third party observer feel safe that he’s a good husband candidate.

Find another guy who loves you for who you are — inside and out — and you can later look back on this creepy chapter of your life with a laugh.

Sort of like my penis reduction. Is that even a thing?

(Hmm…Evidently, it is.)