Love Happens When You Least Expect It — NOT!!!
- Confidence, Online Dating, Take Action
I was talking with a client today and she told me that her friends laughed at her when she mentioned she’d be working with me.
“You don’t need a dating coach,” they crowed. “You’re amazing, successful, and confident. Just take care of your work and family and love will take care of itself.”
Not quite.
“Love Happens When You Least Expect It” is a myth, and it’s a myth I want to dispel from your mind forever.
In this myth, good things happen to you because you’re worthy.
In this myth, the universe provides because you think happy thoughts.
In this myth, the laws of physics and logic do not apply.
Why do I suggest that falling in love without effort is a fantasy?
Because your real life isn’t built for falling in love. If it was, you would have done it already.
“Love Happens When You Least Expect It” is a myth, and it’s a myth I want to dispel from your mind forever.
What is your life built for? Well, take a look at your schedule. Maybe it’ll be obvious.
6:30am-7:30am — Wake up, hit the gym.
8:30am-9:00am — Drive to work. Love those wacky Morning Zoo guys.
9:00am-6:30pm — Work. But don’t date at work. You know how that story ends.
6:30-7:15pm — Drive home from work. Commuting is fun!
7:15-8:30pm — Decompress from work, make dinner for one.
8:30pm-10:30pm — Nighttime activity: TV, book club, surfing the web, putting the kids to bed.
This schedule varies, of course. You may go to the gym after work. You may not commute. You may find television to be a huge waste of time. But chances are, if you’re working, this is approximately what your life looks like during the week.
On weekends, you have more freedom. So, what are you doing with your weekends?
Errands that you can’t do during the week.
Relaxing that you can’t do during the week.
Catching up with friends you don’t see during the week.
Well, at least you could potentially meet someone while you’re dropping off your dry cleaning, right? At least you can go to a bar for a drink and meet someone cute, right?
Sure, you can!
So let me ask you: how many times last year did you get a great date out of someone you met “in real life”?
And, if I might pry, where are those great guys now?
What you’ll probably see when you take a good, clear look at your life is that “meeting quality new people for potential life partnership” is not built into your schedule.
Yet, you probably feel that love should just “happen” because “it’s more organic” when you can just “feel chemistry” with a cute stranger from across the room.
But what stranger? What room?
Your office? Your bedroom? Your living room?
Where are you meeting these promising new romantic prospects?
If love happens when you’re least looking for it, why isn’t it happening to you now?
The reason I’m an advocate of online dating isn’t because it’s perfect. Far from it. It’s because “real life” doesn’t provide for nearly as much opportunity as you need.
If love happens when you’re least looking for it, why isn’t it happening to you now?
To be clear, I’m not saying you need a dating coach. Seriously. If you’ve got a social life like the women from Sex and the City, you probably have no shortage of opportunities.
But you most likely don’t. You probably work long hours, have a bunch of friends who are way over the bar scene, and you have no idea where to meet the love of your life.
And while I can’t promise you that it’s on Match or eHarmony or JDate, I can promise you that it’s NOT happening while you’re on the Stairmaster, while you’re watching TV, or while you’re hanging out in your married friends’ homes.
For some reason, we’re conditioned to think that love should be effortless.
But what, in life, is effortless?
You took classes to get into college, you took classes to learn to drive, and you’ve probably taken classes to learn to cook or play tennis or sell real estate.
Wouldn’t it make sense to take a class on something that’s been eluding you, like love?
Understand: being proactive about love is not the same as being desperate.
Creating room for a social life doesn’t mean you go on 5 blind dates each week.
All I’m talking about is improving your process of meeting single people. That’s it.
If you only go on a handful of dates a year, you’re not giving yourself much of an opportunity to find love. That’s not fair to you, and it’s unlikely to be successful in the long run.
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results” — Ben Franklin.
Keep waiting for love to happen to you, and you’re pretty much ensuring that comes true.
Love takes effort. If you make that effort, I will help you succeed.
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